Thursday, October 20, 2011
“Do you think there is a season to friendships?” I asked. “Could our season be ending?”
“Only if one of us lets it,” she answered.
It was a time of shifting in our relationship, change. So many things pulling us apart, increasing the gaping hole that seemed to be devouring our closeness. Could it be in our lot to grow apart for a time? To prepare my heart, her heart for an upcoming departure that would have the ability to tear us both apart if we didn’t distance a little?
We began to have topics of taboo, topics that caused tension to rise to the surface. Wouldn’t it be so nice if we were able to just skim it off? Skim off the unnecessary fat.
Did we have the control or power to stop the drifting?
I thought so. She thought so.
“We just have to make decisions that will keep us together,” she had said right before purchasing their first house around the corner from us.
Life is change. You have to fight it to keep close.
So we thought.
But I wonder…
What is the secret to lasting friendship? One that lasts for a lifetime? Why can some relationships sustain while others seem to have only distance as their lot?
What is it that preserves the friendship bond? A continual crossing of life’s path? A combination of certain personalities? Availability? Circumstances? Commonalities? All of the above?
Haven’t we all had a number of BFFs in our lifetime? Wedding photos are a perfect example of life’s constant altering. As you flip through the printed reminders of that special day, you come across one particular picture, a lineup of the girls, our bridesmaids. How many of us still see these people with whom we once could never imagine living life without?
People who you have tried with all efforts to stay close to, but by some unexplainable reason, life just took you down different courses.
The friend who lived next door to me all the way from preschool to high school graduation. “We will be best friends forever,” she said. “Of course we will,” I agreed.
The friend in high school I was in choir class with. I couldn’t sing or dance so instead of participating with the rest of the choir, we would just talk with each other about the audience. “Do you see my boyfriend out there?” I asked. “No, all I can see is beaming lights in my eyes.” she answered. “So if we can’t see anyone then I am sure they can’t see us. Let’s keep talking.”
The friend I lived with and traveled to Europe with.
The friend who could make me laugh so hard my sides felt like they were going to split.
The friend I took a college singing class with. I really wanted to learn how to sing. My voice was so bad my friend and I couldn’t stop laughing during my solo performance. “Janna,” the teacher said, “go stand in the corner for the rest of the class.” I stood facing the corner, shoulders shaking violently from the uncontrollable silent laughter that almost possessed my body. There I was standing in the corner, in college.
People I would never grow apart from.
But time and circumstance prove to have the power to slowly errode the bond between two souls. Sure you can try to hold it together. But with many, with most, they experience…
Even the best of friends.
Nothing in life is safe from the ever present reality of change.
Sure there are certain individuals, whom you would never be willing to let go of. Two parties willing to give what it takes to hold on, the ones that leave off where you once left off. Those friendships are priceless.
Would our relationship be that sort? The one to last a lifetime?
I could have worried. I could have fretted and fussed over something I really had no control over. We could have turned on each other. It is only a natural response to the growing tension that so commonly originates from growing apart as friends. And in all truth we had tried that before only to find it to more destructive than restorative.
Instead we both realized that our relationship would develop into something else. Into what it was to become.
For this season it would be our lot to drift away from one other. But the drifting, we would find, would not be without purpose.
God uses us to touch each other’s lives. And like the closing of a book, there comes a time when He closes this chapter and begins to write a new one, sending our ray of light somewhere else, to someone else…