Saturday, August 13, 2011

So it was Sunday Morning

Once a week I take a moment to interrupt my simple life journey to share with you some extra bonus material to make you smile.  Enjoy!

I have a bad habit.

I take after my mother and grandfather.   

Right in the middle of a party, there they are, both propped up in sitting positions on the couch, heads hanging heavily downward, drool creeping out the sides of their mouths.  Sleeping.  They are like babies; they can fall asleep anywhere.


   

I may not be as bad as them, but when conditions are just right, I join them.


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So it was Sunday morning, and there I sat in church.

Warm.

Cozy.

Comfortable.

My preacher’s voice, so low and calming.

The perfect environment, my body was telling me, trying to lull me off into subconsciousness.

No, I will not fall asleep.  I will not fall asleep.

Take notes, make a list, look at people's hairstyles.  Oh no!  It has me in its grip.  

I put my head down toward my lap, hanging my hair over my face to hide what my hand was going to do next.

Slap!  My face suddenly felt pain.

I looked up and back behind me.  Everyone was still.  I don’t think anyone saw.  They may have heard, but they didn’t know what they heard.

I looked at the pastor and tried opening my eyes as wide as they would go.  Yes, bug eyes will do the trick.



 Blink.

My lids.  Blink.  Are so.  Blink.  Heavy.  Blink.  Blink.  Must close.  Bliiinnkkk.  (That's a blink in slow motion.)

Closing.

Closing.

Closed.

I was out.

REM- I love you. 

Suddenly, my subconscious began to signal to me to try and get my attention.  "Janna!  Janna!"  

"Shut up.  Leave me alone," I sternly reprimanded myself for disturbing myself.

And then my ears perked up.  The pastor's voice was drawing near.  I began shifting in my seat, my eyes still closed.  “Wake up, Janna.  Wake up,” I was yelling to myself inside my head.

His voice was no longer soft and calm.  It was loud, like surround sound around me. 

My heavy lids flew open violently.  I was a little dizzy.  WOW! he was right there in front of me, maybe five feet away, and our eyes locked.  His eyes were like magical lasers.  They made my eyes hot and watery.   

I sat up quickly, and began passionately nodding in agreement with what he was saying.

But he knew. 

And I knew he knew.

And he knew I knew he knew. 

It was crazy.

The worst insult to a speaker.  I could never look him in the eyes again.  Oh, the shame.  I would look to the side of him or maybe at his forehead or maybe at his Adam's apple, but never in his eyes.  I lost the privilege.

Church ended and we all filed out slowly.  But not me.  I was jumping over pews so to get out before the pastor took his stance at the exit.  I flew through the air like on Matrix.  Everyone was frozen but me.  And I was wearing a long, black trench coat.

Confession.  I need to confess.  I will call my mother. 

“Mom, I was sleeping in church and the pastor saw me.  I am sure of it,” I spewed out as quickly as I could.  There I said it.  Forgiveness flow over me.

“Janna, I cannot believe you,” she responded sternly.  I knew what was coming.  My reprimanding was about to be laid on me as thick as thick can get.  It was what I deserved.  I prepared myself to hear it, to take it.  Scold me mother.  It is what I need.  I stood up straight, lifted up my chin, and as she continued, I listened.

“If you are going to sleep in church,” she said very seriously, firmly,

“You need to sit in the back where the preacher can’t see you.”



 She only looks like she's awake.

6 comments:

  1. Janna, you are completely, fabulously nuts! I can't wait until you publish a book!

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  2. Moms got a good point! I am a victim of falling asleep while in any type of lecture setting. And I try soooo haaarrrdd but the harder I try the deeper I go. I feel for you!

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  3. One of the funniest things I recently saw was my pastor's college-aged daughter nodding off in the front row.

    I loved the line about sternly reprimanding yourself for disturbing yourself. :D

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  4. This happens to me all the time!! It's not that I don't want to listen but the second I sit in that church pew it's over. Before I know it my eyeballs are rolling in the back of my head.

    PS - I LOVE that episode of Mr. Bean!!

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  5. Hehehe, I so know that warm, sleepy feeling! I have never succumb in church before... yet!! xx

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