Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Tick. Tick. Tick.

 



My husband and I watched as the children soaked in the rays of the sun while shoveling sand into messy hills they called “sandcastles”.  All of their faces were pale white from the extra emollient sunscreen I had just applied.  You can always tell when I am the one to apply the sun protection.  The evidence is white faces and bodies adorned with thick globs of partially rubbed in lotion.  How can the sun’s harmful rays penetrate through clumps of white liquid?  - the best application method ever.  We were in our backyard- the beach, and we were in our glory.  This was a time that would not last long.  We wanted to immerse ourselves in it. 

A timer had been set.  A timer for one year.  It began ticking.  I could hear it in the back of my mind. 

Tick. 

Tick. 

Tick. 

It would ring before we knew it.  I suspected it would startle me when it went off as timers always do.   

I look at my oldest son filling buckets with water for my little ones to dump in the sand.  They are so precious.  I want what is best for them.  What mother doesn’t?




My husband and I were both silent, the wind roaring through my hair, muffling the sounds of the squawking seagulls, the waves, and my child’s cries.  We both sat deep in thought, staring out at the loud rumbling waves.  Crash.  Crash.  Crash.  The life I had planned for myself for the next 50 years came to a crashing halt.  My body felt relaxed as I sat with my feet pushed deep down into the warm sand, but my mind was anything but.  I felt uncomfortable.  Uncomfortable with not knowing where life was leading our family.  I am a planner.  What woman isn’t?  And what woman doesn’t feel a bit uneasy when there is no plan? 

Where do we move this family?  There was no job pulling us to a certain location.  My husband could work from anywhere.  Should we just pull out the map and do a little eenie-meenie-miney-mo?  Okay, let’s move there?

How do you make a decision with no direction?

What is it that we actually want?

Neither of us knew.  Therefore, we sat in silence gazing off into the distance with nothing to say.


Little did I know, our traveling search was about to begin.

2 comments:

  1. Stay at the beach, LOL! But seriously, yes, it is scary wondering where God wants you. It's so hard to pull up and just go.

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  2. My husband and I literally did the pull out the map thing when we decided that staying in the Navy was not the life for us. We had one child at the time and I had just found out I was expecting our second. It was scary but God saw us through. If he can do it for us he can do it for you!

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