Saturday, January 22, 2011

I Was About to Find Out

Wake up at 5:30 or 6:00am.  Pack a lunch for my oldest.  Dress and feed 3 kids, oh and myself (if I get to it).  Late to school.  Again.  Oops, my littlest doesn't have shoes.  Again.  Drive 30 minutes to school one way, drive 20 minutes to a friend's house for a play date.  Drive 20 minutes back home, stopping at 2 grocery stores on the way.  At home, I check e-mail, make phone calls, clean up the mess from the early morning rush.  Prepare lunch.  Put two little ones down for naps.  A couple hours later, drive 30 minutes to pick up my son.  Drive 30 minutes back home, get the kids a snack, make dinner, eat, pack the kids up once again, go to Kids' Club, come home, bathe the kids, put them to bed, clean up, check e-mail again, make more phone calls, write in my blog, look at my husband (that's all I have time for), go to sleep, wake up and do it all over again.

The hustle and bustle of life in Southern California.  Fun.  Exciting.  Constant.  Anything but simple.

Is this it?  Do any of us stop and ask, "What am I doing?" and "Why am I doing it?"

It was like taking the pill from the movie Matrix.  One day my eyes popped open.  I realized, I am tired.  Not so much in a physical way, but in a mental way.  I feel there is no rest.  There is no margin.  To fight it seems to be like swimming against a strong current.  It becomes even exhausting to try.  Where do I find time to breathe?

The country.  Sweet, cool breeze.  Rolling hills, green meadows, birds chirping, the galloping feet of a horse.  Could it be an unattainable dream that I have?  The grass is always greener?  I wonder.  I have been told a simpler life is possible, but I find it unlikely to be available here. Why would it be different somewhere else?   

The doors opened in my life to allow my family to go where we want to, wherever that may be.  Sounds wonderful, but it is actually very difficult.  Most people move where a job leads them, and so decisions become narrowed down for them.  My husband transitioned into working from home.  Where do you go when there are no limitations?  Arizona?  Yosemite?  Oregon?  Nevada?  Texas?  Tennessee?  or all the way to New Zealand?  These had all been mentioned and considered to different degrees.

Is the simple life attainable?  I was about to find out.

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